Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He passed out mid-signature
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
