Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
