i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
