Did we literally take a cab across the street
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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