so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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