He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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