very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
