she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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