so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
