No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
