The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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