So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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