If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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