I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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