I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
4 words: hood of his car
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
