thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
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I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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