Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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