She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
