we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
