I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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