Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
