The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
