did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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