Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
