Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
