hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
