How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
