bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
