my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
