I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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