This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
