Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Floor bacon is actually really good
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
