You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
