Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
