R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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