'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
