He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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