i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
