my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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