when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
