its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
