Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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