I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
