first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
