I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
