Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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