Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
