would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
