i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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