You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
