I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
