whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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