She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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