Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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