i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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