ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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