I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
