Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They have beer where we have blood.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
