This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
