I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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