ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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