I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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