Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
