so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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