I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
