How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
