u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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