I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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