I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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