I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
