I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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