Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
